dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
