All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize