Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
