You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize