"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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