??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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