Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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