i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
