If i come over, it means nothing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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