addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
