That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
