Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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