My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
