I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
home. puking in laundry basket.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
