u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize