Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
