I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
