So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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