could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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