We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
