I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize