Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
