pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
