I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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