We won't sleep together?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize