I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize