My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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