Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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