Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
