So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is my gift to your gina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
