who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
