I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
