For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
