That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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