I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
