my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
