I should be sponsored by Trojan
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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