Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
