Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
