listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize