FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
