He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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