there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
