Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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