Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
