i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize