why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
