Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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