i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
