They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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