thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
