woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
