There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to make out with him forever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
