just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
