a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
