Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
