i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
