and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
