he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize