Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
