hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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