and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
