So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
