I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
