There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
