I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
