# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
