chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
