Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
