i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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