I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
