Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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