So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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