The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
