About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's great music for shaving your balls
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
