at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a search helicopter?!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
