I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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