i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
