I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
