she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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