They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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