He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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