Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize