I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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