a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
