Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
