his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
