Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
