singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
