I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
