remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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