He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
