She is in my trunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
