"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nutella sex= disaster
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize