I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my liver is dry heaving
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
