I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pants are for mortals
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
