Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
