I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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