i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if only i could text you this smell
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
