you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize