Kiss
Puke
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
